Welcome to a book review and summary by a habibi. Today we will be reviewing and summarizing ACOTAR through the alpha male perspective, which like most alphas (including myself) was recommended by the woman in your life. In my case the woman who is most definitely the love of my life and now soon to be official ex. Was it because of this book recommendation? Haha Absolutely not, will I be using it as the excuse as to why we ended things? Absolutely. Because blaming her is especially good for my health and mental well being.

No, unfortunately she caught me with Fuzzy’s mom. (Plot twist it was all my fault)

Now, enough about my love life and onto the review. If I had to give it a one sentence spoiler free review it would be “A retelling of beauty and the beast but gay”.  Giving it a solid 6.9/10

Once done with this summary, you can confidently say you have read ACOTAR and have a very informed conversation about it during date night. You are welcome, just remember to dedicate one ass slap to me when you inevitably end up making love.

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From this point the summary contains all the spoilers, so take this as your warning.

This story is set in a universe with faeries, now these aren't the fairies we all grew up with. Not the tinkerbellesk small fairies that fly around in short skimpy skirts with pixie dust coming out of their asses, and have their very own really weird rule 34 subpages on Reddit and the dark web. Not that I fell into any of it while researching for this book. No, these are mystical beings that have magic, or not, that can be in the form of an animal, or not, that live in another realm away from humans, over an invisible wall or something and everything was made from a Cauldron … There is a hierarchy of High Fae and Lesser Fae… because racism….. None of it makes any sense to be honest, so you just have to go with it. 

We follow the main character Feyre or Feyra maybe it's Fayriah, as a 19 yr old huntress who likes to paint, she had to become the sole provider of the family because you find out early that her asshole mother died with her last words pleading to her six year old daughter “protect them Feryia” traumatizing her, the selfish bitch. Her father was a rich merchant that went for it all, risking it for the biscuit trying to get goods shipped over heavy waters when the boat sank… because when your mother is an asshole, your father is a useless idiot. This caused his creditors to bust in the front door and beat him senseless.. Right in front of the poor girl, her asshole mother was dead before this all happened. Her two sisters cowered for themselves while Farya begged them to stop… Now poor, and the father injured and her two sisters too proud to get their hands dirty, Fayre was the only one capable to provide before her family goes hungry.

So the picture is set, the poor 19 year old is surrounded by assholes and incompetence, and lives in a shithole hut. Painting is her only escape, and she just sucks at it. She has to hunt for food and skin the animals she kills to sell pellets at the market. Who taught her all these necessary skills? Was it her injured father? Useless sisters? An interesting housekeeper character from their time of being rich and living in a huge mansion? who acts like her father figure, one that has a dark and mysterious rich history of being a war veteran who fought the Fae? Hahahah fuck no, she taught herself of course. 

One cold and dangerous winter where her useless family was starving to death, Feayra goes out, like the expert huntress she is, to get some kind of animal to feed her family for the winter. At this point of the story, you question why any of them are worth keeping alive. As she goes through the cold winter forest, she gives some backstory about the Fae, how they have a long history of war with the humans, enslaved them, ate them, and then suddenly lost a war centuries ago to humans and divided the lands. Immortal lands called Prythian, which is divided into sub “courts” explained later, and mortal lands called “home of the weak little bitches”.  She recalls how the fae have been “spotted” this far from the wall. So she conveniently has a very rare Ash arrow made from special Ash wood, which is like the only weakness to these immortal faeries. Some more ramblings of a young woman who hates her life to make us feel sorry for, something every woman in her early 20s to mid 30s is subconsciously evolved to relate to. When she spots a doe that is also hunted by a huge wolf, bigger than one she has ever seen that also has weird shining gold eyes. You’d think she would recognize these features as not belonging to a normal wolf, but you'd be wrong. The big wolf that is so obviously a Fae doesn't notice this master huntress who thought he was just a normal wolf, and gets an ash arrow in the heart. Expert split second decision made by someone with years of hunting experience. Of course she got the doe too, and now decides to take the beautiful coat off this absurdly large wolf that is definitely a Fae creature. Happy with the meat she will be able to feed her ungrateful and useless family with and back home with the fae fur she skinned. Of course she had to clean it and cut it all by herself since she is the only one who magically learned how to do it, while her sisters all watch in wonder about the new shoes or clothes they can buy with the money from selling the pellet. While poor huntress and provider Fayira has to wear shoes in the same state as you find a pair wrapped around a power line in downtown Baltimore. (They are very ghetto).

The next day Fiyria and her sister take the pellet to the market knowing she is going to be able to get some good coin but hoping someone from another village is there to bargain with because everyone else is so poor and her life just sucks. They then bump into the “children of the blessed” a nun looking group that worship the Fae and the gods of old and *woman talking noises as they bicker at each other* then move on. She passes her fuck buddy along the way, very beta male type dude and not important. 

Scanning the market center she sees this mysterious mercenary she hasn't seen before sitting on some bench or fountain looking all dark. This is by far the most interesting character at this point of the story, so of course all you get is the mercenary, surprised at the size of the pellet, can tell of course it's Fae and wonders if Fayria is an idiot for not noticing. She pays high coin for the pellet and warns about Fae being around in the areas she hunted hinting to this clueless huntress that yes in fact she killed a Fae. 

Walking back Fayra has an epiphany that … oh shit, she killed a Fae. 

That night with them back in their shitty hut as her sisters are flaunting over their new clothes and shoes then BOOM…

A raging beast crashes through the door, growling and you’re like “finally an alpha male in this story to make it actually worth reading”. The sisters' all-cower and instantly become useless as the injured father can only be stunned by the presence of this alpha male. Of course Fayrea is the only one with balls enough to talk to this beast that is raging on about his buddy that was murdered… of course the Fae wolf that she so masterfully hunted and skinned. Leaving the dead corpse to rot in the forest. The beast starts to ramble on about some ancient treaty that was signed with magic that divided the lands and she broke the treaty killing his buddy, and must now either die or go with him to the immortal lands. How did this alpha beast know where to be exactly? Magic or something, or maybe he could smell it on Farye, again just go with it. Here Fayria shows us all how naive she is, another common trait among women, and explains that the Faeries can not lie, they can hide information but they can not lie. So she just takes his word for it. Her sisters and father all quickly agree that the beast should take her, shocking no one but the master huntress. 

Now with the premise set for her to be swept out of her shitty hut with useless garbage family members and off to the magical immortal lands of Prythian, Feiriah is complaining. Starts to lie to herself as if she will be missing her family, by remembering how useless they actually are. Then decides to talk back to the alpha beast as he carries her back to his mansion. That’s right, his mansion… where she is told she will be taken care of, that she is not his prisoner but a guest. Showing yet another trait of the female species, ungratefulness. Of course it is explained she can leave the mansion anytime she wants but there are various monsters that could tear her into shreds. See, not a prison. This is where all the women who read this story start pretending that “yes I would act just like Firary and not go with this beast quietly, I will show him I am a strong and powerful woman myself”. A word of advice to the women reading this, you just sound annoying and look like a backseat driver. And no one likes a back seat driver.

The Alpha beast at this point has turned into a humanoid figure, again magic. (The following is how he is described in the book and not by me). He is a tall muscular figure, where you can see the definition of his huge pecs outlining his shirt, a chiseled jawline and wonderful wavy goldish brown hair and deep emerald colored eyes, basically he is so fucking hot. But has a golden mask covering half his face, with some ancient writings on it. Suppose to look like some magical masquerade mask, and very gay. Basically he went from alpha beast to beta barista in west hollywood. Bringing back the agony of having to read through this book, again you are welcome for this service. You are introduced to servants, that is right she has servants drawing up her bath, feeding her, and giving her fresh beautiful gowns and yet the only thoughts going through Frayerias mind is counting the exits, taking mental notes of hiding places because again this is a strong master huntress we are talking about. She has great skills. 

Meeting the Alpha beast, now turned into gay west Hollywood barista, for breakfast in a beautifully lit dining room with mountains of food for her to enjoy, she starts back talking in what is supposed to read like witty banter but gets muffled out into sounds like the teacher from Peanuts. It amazes me how when women speak long enough they all start to sound like that. You find out the alpha beast is named Tamlin and his right hand companion, not gay partner, Lucien is also in a mask, in fact all the servants in the mansion were also wearing the mask. Tamlin and Lucien are both high Fae, and the servants are all Lesser Fae, because racism. High Fae have more magical prowess than lesser Fae or something, again magic and stuff just go with it. Lucien has a scar on his face and a much more interesting back story they get into for a moment then completely forget about as the story progresses. We are told more about the immortal lands and how they are split into 7 courts, Night Court, Day Court, Dawn Court, Winter Court, Spring Court, Summer Court, Autumn court, ruled by the 7 highlords…. Just the most ingenious and original naming of territories I have ever come across.. There is a map at the beginning of the book, which I am not joking, is just a trace of the United Kingdom and like Ireland… As grand and as detail oriented of a map as the one in The Lord Of The Ring series… haha kidding, that one was done by a man. So which court are they set in? The gayest court of the 7 of course, the Spring court. Tamlin and Lucien are coy about who they are, and Fariayh is clueless to know if they are lying or hiding information from her. Hint: They are lying. But of course they are lying for the well being of Fairia, us Alpha Males only lie when it is to the benefit or well being and safety of others, especially weak little women. Women do not understand this fact easily. You can tell immediately that Tamlin is a high lord, Fayrah thinks he is some random high fae, despite the obvious nature of it. Maybe she used all her girl brain power in trying to find different ways to escape that she never ends up trying and gives up on. You really start to hate this character.

There are a few more chapters that are just soooooooooo boring that go on like that. The “I should not be here i need to get back” to “Witty” back and forths laying the foundation that oh yes, they will fuck. They start telling her about the dark beasts that come through into their court that Tamlin has to fight off, about a blight that has raged through Pyrithian and could infect the mortal realms because MAGIC. Again Fayriah starts to worry about her useless family so we can all pretend she didn't abandon them and is a good person. Thinking about how she can get word out to her family. Fayreh gets into a few dangerous spots exploring the Court, where you hope this agony ends and they kill her off, just to be saved over and over again by Tamlin… You start to think that these situations are set up on purpose just for Tamlin to come out looking like the hero. Classic Alpha Male move. Create a damsel in distress then save her, making her fall in love with you. Im getting a head of the story, but fuck it, i said there will be spoilers. Tamlin also took care of her family that abandoned her with gold and money so she will never have to worry about them, he also conveniently used his MAGIC to hypnotize them into forgetting the night he barged in and that she is off helping a long lost rich old aunt, and just focus on her life there… Some more of that true love manipulation, throwing money at an issue and lying, what an alpha move. She lets her guard down more, they explore the estate together, we learn she cant read, definitely not something that will come back and bite her in the ass, she is too embarrassed to let Tamlin know. So why even want to see the library? Women  really have just the weirdest obsession to all be like Bell from the Beauty and the Beast. 

Feyra learns about one of the greatest and most convenient plot moving characters of all time. A Suriel, if captured, must answer any question directly, allowing our hero to have a fighting chance since obvious hints just can't make it through her thick skull. Another unfortunate trait that plagues women. She convinces Lucien to explain how to capture one, he lets her know all she needs is some fresh chicken breasts.. So naturally the strong willed rebel huntress that she is, Fayreiah starts hunting for this creature. She easily captures it, kidding she almost dies. After asking some of the most basic questions, the Suriel tells this dumb woman what we already know. Yes Tamlin is a high lord, and to help with the blight she must stay with him. Before being able to tell her about the curse and have this nightmare of a book end, they are interrupted by creatures called Naga. Our master huntress fights them off the Suriel and gets chased, as we root for the Naga to kill her, we are disappointed with the appearance of Tamlin who saves her at the last minute. Alis then tells her all you needed to capture this creature is to offer it a cloak, and you like Lucien a little more for almost getting Feyria killed. 

 These creatures and blight are from the kingdom of Hybern, the little Irish looking island out on the side of the map, with other fae like magical creatures who came over with Amarantha, the bad ass chick that really should have been the main character of this story. She is the self proclaimed High Queen of Pyranthia. She came from Hybern about 49 years ago, grabbed each of the High Lords by their balls, cursed them and made them submit to her one by one controlling their power. Imagine a tall red head in full latex with a whip. Finally an Alpha woman in this story, I am sure we will not be disappointed by how her story plays out. So Tamlin is like displaying just a fraction of his almighty power. And is cursed to wear the mask that holds his power and the rest of the spring court in check, unable to fully tell Faryria about the curse. Except throw the most obvious hints at her face. 

Every court in Prythian starts to get ready for “Fire Night” , basically an orgy like party that signals the start of spring. Here all the high lords of all the other courts gather with High fae, do a bunch of different drugs and mate (fuck). Tamlin orders Fayra to stay in her room as he goes to find a mate to fuck. Again, such an alpha male move. More men should be allowed to tell their women to stay home as they head out to get trashed and party with their bros in Miami for a weekend. Of course like the disobedient high strung woman that she is, she goes to this party. She is quickly harassed by a couple of fae, scared and realizing that of course she should have listened to Tamlin… If only women knew how to fucking listen. She is then saved by another high Fae who she describes as the most gorgeous person she has ever seen… totally going to fuck him too. They have a little back and forth. She starts screaming louder for help, ah true love at first sight, she is then seen by Lucien who quickly takes her back. Calling her stupid, because she is, and better hope that Tamlin doesn't catch her scent when he turns into his horny Alpha Male Beast form. He would tear her to shreds especially since she is not Fae and is a weak little mortal woman. After fucking probably like 4 or 5 Fae women, back in humanoid form Tamlin bursts open her bedroom door, disgusted with himself post nut clarity. Softly saying that he could smell her scent and was looking everywhere for her… ah true love. 

Of course that was all that was needed for Fayre to start falling in love with her High Lord, I mean what was going to do? Leave this huge mansion being served on hand and foot over one wild sex night Tamlin had? Over all the lies and misleading he did to manipulate her into falling in love with him? What did you think she was some high minded woman with self respect? Lmao No. We have a few more chapters with them seemingly falling in love, Tamlin having to go fight more and more evil demons from Amarantha, hoping to get rid of the blight. Feryiah sitting on her window staring out in the distance at night hoping her High Lord is safe. Then one morning an unexpected visitor, the gorgeous High Fae from the fire night that saved her, Rhysand… These names are gay by the way. I think we can all agree that women coming up with guy names are just gay. They do not even sound masculine in or… shit… My mother named me. He comes in from the orders of Amarantha, to find this girl he saw at the orgy. Lucien calls him Amaranthans whore, and Tamlin tries to hide her with magic again but she is found by Rhys and interrogated by him. Scared like the little mortal woman that she is, she gives him a fake name Clare. The author gave this poor woman such a boring name so you can forget about her. We then see Tamlin cower like a cuck who just saw the bull walk in, and starts to beg. Rhys tells them all they will be summoned to Under The Mountain, the place Amarantha has her own court, because Tamlin’s time is up and will have to be taken by her side as her lover.  Tamlin freaks out, like a husband who’s been housing his mistress while his wife is away, packs Faryia up and sends her home.. What about the Suriel saying to stay with him? Well Fayriah kept that to herself of course, because why help the situation with the information you risked your life to get. And why not go back and capture the Suriel again with a cloak? Because fuck you, you asshole. 

Now back home Fayria tries to forget about her High Lord, what can she do to help anyways? She's a weak and powerless woman who can't read. She is greeting by her useless sisters, one of them of course was able to break through the curse and wondered where she was this whole time, then told her about Clare’s whole family dying in a fire. That is right, Fayria killed this woman and her whole family by lying to Rhys. Freaking out and remembering how she is this bad ass huntress and not some stupid woman, she starts believing that she alone can save her High Lord and all of Pyranthia. Packs her shit again and heads back to save her love, her high lord. You seriously still have no real attachment to this “love”. 

She is met by one of the servants, Alis who lets Fayriah know she is so dumb not to have realized that letting Tamlin know she loved him is what would lift the curse and they would all be saved by MAGIC. Letting her know she will certainly die if she tried to meet with Amarantha, so naturally the servant takes her straight to Amarantha. 

The mighty huntress is instantly caught by one of Amaranthas hitch-faes, the Attor and is thrown in front of Amaranth. She is sitting there with Tamlin in his corner chair, looking like a man stunned that was just caught by the two women he is sleeping with. She is wearing an amulet with an eye, Julian’s eye. Julian is a human from the war centuries ago, he played Amarantha’s sister into helping him with the war. The fucking legend, it is a story you find yourself wishing was the one you were reading instead of this horseshit.  You see Clare’s dead body dangling on the wall reminding you that Clare is such a boring name. Tormenting Fayriah as a weak little human she sets up for 3 trials and if Fayre wins, they all get to go free or she can answer one of the easiest riddles in existence and instantly lift the curse off all of Pyranthia, not just the Spring court. Because in a realm of magical beasts and when you as Amarantha have the ultimate hand, you do something so fucking retarded for your enjoyment. The riddle: “There are those who seek me a lifetime but never meet. And those I kiss but who trample me beneath ungrateful feet. At times I seem to favor the clever and the fair, but I bless all those who are brave enough to dare. Blah blah blah” We all know the answer is LOVE of course. But the masterful dumb huntress who can't read doesn't have a clue. 

So Fayreha agrees to the trails, Tamlin sitting there not moving a muscle, completely acting very Alpha Male, watching the dumb weak mortal woman having to go through these dangerous trails to save them all. Something none of the high lords with all their power could accomplish in 49 years. Also you learn that the mighty Tamlin had 49 years to find someone from the mortal realms who hate fae to fall in love with him to end this, but with the ultimate alpha move he decided to wait until the very last minute, before the time expires to make his move. Us alpha’s love a good challenge.

The first challenge is set in a labyrinth with her being chased by a worm, she gets very badly injured but manages to trap and kill the worm. Everyone was betting on the girl to die, except for Rhys. Which the all great and smart Amarantha doesn't suspect as weird at all. Later on Rhys sneaks into her cell, because security here is non-existent… Offers to heal her in exchange for a pack, marking her with a tattoo on her arm, and that she will have to go to his court for a week out of every month for the rest of her life. Setting it up for you to know she definitely makes it out there and SON OF A BITCH this series continues on into another book… As part of the deal Rhys says she has to accompany him to the parties they have before each trial, wearing very revealing clothes and having her body painted to torment Tamlin, who still has been doing nothing to help this situation. Hell, even Lucien met her before the first trial to help. 

Fayrah is now taken with Rhys in this really slutty dress to be flaunted at the party, she looks at Tamlin trying to see if she can get any reaction and nothing. He sits there in his cuck chair as she is with Rhys, Tamlin gets cucked 2 more nights after this, Rhys then offers her wine that is obviously too strong for this weak woman to handle. She blacks out and enters her hoe phase. Justifying it by wanting to just escape these trails she was going to die in, and not having Tamlins attention on her made her feel lonely and unwanted. Again, ungratefulness. Her and Rhys have their own back and forth so you know they are going to be getting down and dirty in the second book. The true love interest. 

The second trial is set with her and Lucien tied in a pit with huge grinders on the way down to kill them. She has three levers in front of her with writings to tell her which is the right one to pull, and wouldn't you know the proudful huntress who didn't want to have any help to read can't read which lever to pull. Lucien, thinking this was going to be a cake walk, given how she was able to defeat the worm, is now shitting bricks realizing that this bitch can't read. He starts to question his very existence, why even go through this garbage and how this dumb girl cant even figure out the easiest fucking riddle. Fayura is about to pull lever one when she gets a strong paint feeling in her arm, of course it is Rhys guiding her to the right lever. So what does she do? Go for the first lever two more fucking times… I mean JESUS CHRIST WOMAN. This is where the very common and detrimental “stubborness” of women almost gets people killed. Again how Amarantha doesn't realize any of this is going on is just really shit writing. Enough to make you want to throw the book at the wall, which I did 69 times when reading it. 

The final trial had 3 Fae on their knees with bags over their heads. Amarantha commands Fayra to stab them each in the heart with an ash knife, the way that based Alpha Julian ripped out her sister's heart. The first fae is a young woman like humanoid, Fayre tries to think of the answer to the riddle we all already know, then starts justifying that killing these 3 to herself it is to save the whole continent and to be with her High Lord Tamlin. Because killing the innocent is easier than using your little woman brain to find the answer to the riddle. You are so over the fake love between the cuck and huntress, you just keep hoping Amarantha does the right thing and ends it. Feyre then murders the 2nd one in cold blood completely giving up on the riddle, again she is murdering these ppl because she is stupid. The third one is, you're right, you guessed it! It is Tamlin, out of his cuck chair and right there for her to cry over like she didn't just whore out with Rhys. Tamlin is unable to speak, now she is really hesitant, then remembers something said like 30 chapters ago about Tamlin having a stone heart, something magically Amarantha had no idea about but her Attor did. The mastermind forgetting this one little key, as Fayria thrusts the knife into the cuck she feels a thud, lets go of the knife. It clings onto the floor, as the cuck is still too weak to heal properly and Amarantha is trying to wiggle her way out of it, beating Fayria senseless and just when she is about to land the killing blow.

Feyre has an epiphany… the words know going through her head with more clarity because reasons! And she finally answers the riddle “LOVE” … “THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY HIGH LORD AND CUCK”. Then some magic happens, Tamlin’s mask falls off revealing the hot stud of a man he is, as he leaves Fayriah for dead to kill Amarantha… Rhys is there to pick her body up and as she lay dying all the 7 high lords gather remembering they can each give her some of their power, as a thank you for saving all their lives and meaninglessly killing 2 innocent Fae’s, freeing them all from the curse. This of course turns her into a High Fae herself allowing her and her High Cuck to live happily ever afr…. Fuck there are 3 more books in this series. 

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

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10) Kevin Young

Offense: "If you use DEI, WOKE, or CRT as a pejorative, then you are probably the racist in the room."

The problem with this logic is that delusional people like Kevin specifically use terminology like "DEI," "WOKE," or "CRT" BECAUSE of their white guilt. In this case, he assumes that white people like

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himself, by default, is racist because merit doesn't exist, only privilege. Therefore, white people only achieve what they achieve because of their privilege, and non-white people can't achieve the same things because they lack white privilege. So, to right this wrong, they implement things like social justice because they can't find a non-racist way of righting this wrong. Rather than just course correcting to a merit-based system in all our institutions, they come up with DEI to make the white higher-ups feel better about themselves. Remember, it's all bullshit. You don't correct racism with even more racism.

9) Lyz Lenz

Offense: "When an upper middle class white lady says marriage is working for her…like yeah that’s the point of white supremacy and patriarchy, bb. It works for you and no one else."

If you're not marriage material, you might as well make a buck off of calling it white supremacy as Lyz does in this tweet and the following replies where she plugs her latest book, "This American Ex-Wife." I'm not going to speculate on what happened with Lyz's marriage based on only her tweet and nothing else, but what I think is more appropriate is to take her phone away because her attempt to destroy the American family (and families around the world) with her proselytizing does more harm than good.

8) Rachel Bitecofer

Offense: "How much will your groceries cost after Trump has rounded up all the field workers?"

Ladies & gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the folks at Project Lincoln are still not okay. Rhetoric like this didn't work in 2016, and it certainly didn't work in 2020, and honestly, it only helps Trump considering that our country is in the middle of an immigration crisis under Biden and there doesn't seem to be any way out of it without enacting some very strict immigration policies, much like what Trump did in his first term. We also saw how well that worked out for American citizens. 

7) Jessica Halliday Hardie

Offense: "So NYPD cops at our subway station asked my 3yo if she wanted stickers and then handed her these. I am livid. Handing out well-known white nationalist stickers to kids???"

I don't wish harm on anyone. That being said, may God protect Jessica and her family from being robbed or assaulted because I don't think she has it in her to call the police to either rescue or protect herself or her family. The Blue Lives Matter slogan might be cringeworthy, and the squad car is cartoonish to appeal to children, but are we going to characterize all officers of the law as white nationalists? Is that where we are as a society? 

6) Jacobin 

Offense: "FX's series "Shogun" takes place at the time of first contact between European colonizers and indigenous Japanese people. In the process it shows something rarely seen on screen: the shocking hubris of the colonizer and dehumanization of the colonized."

I love it when Community Notes does half the work for me. You would think all commies suffered from amnesia because it seems they never learn from history. However, it would be foolish to think that communists are that ignorant. If anything, Marxist Leninists who write for Jacobin are fully aware of history and are just so deluded they refuse to recognize reality. 

5) NBC News 

Offense #1: "Elon Musk and conservative influencers have spread unverified claims to millions, smearing Haitian migrants as cannibals as they endure deep uncertainty about the future of their country and family members still there."

We literally have a video of a Haitian man eating human flesh (in this case, a man's severed penis). Yes, not all Haitians are cannibals, but it's safe to say that the number of Haitian cannibals is NOT zero.

Offense #2: "Former President Donald Trump vowed at a rally that there would be a “bloodbath” if he’s not re-elected in November."

This has been widely distorted and taken out of context by the media and dissected endlessly, so if you need a recap of what he said and how the media got it so wrong, I suggest you check out our "Bloodbath, But Not for Me" episode. But my takeaway from this is that while NBC News isn't the only outlet to propagate this lie, they are one of the few outlets that gain the most financially from this type of lying.

4) The Globe and Mail

Offense: "Opinion: Excessive free speech is a breeding ground for more Trumps"

This is what happens when you let Canadians have opinions. It's not just that the Globe and Mail is wrong; their perception of the U.S. Constitution is so warped that they look like children who always need Mommy and Daddy's permission to go to the bathroom. I'm convinced that people at the Globe and Mail get off on being infantilized.

3) New York Magazine Communications

Offense: ".@NYMag's latest cover story is an essay by critic Andrea Long Chu, who makes the moral case for the right of anybody, at any age, to change their sex."

Yeah, let's not sterilize kids.

2) Mike Sington

Offense: "Barron Trump turns 18 today. He's fair game now."

Whoops! Probably should've left that in the drafts, my dude. It's not that politician's kids are off limits, it's why would you want to go after Barron Trump?? The kid's done nothing wrong. Take your grievances to his dad. Let Barron live.

1) kitschmusik

Offense: "while this is true, the fact that the majority of jews have supported zionism more or less since the foundation of Israel does seriously call into question the viability of judaism as a religious and ethnic system. is the concept of a "jewish people" worth preserving?"

Hitler liked this tweet.

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10) Nora Loreto

Offense: "Imagine jailing people for a victimless crime."

Community Notes for the win. Also, if we took Nora Loreto's phone away from her, she would not be a victim, by her definition.

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9) LA Times Opinion

Offense: "Opinion: Age matters. Which is why Biden's age is his superpower (via @latimesopinion)"

If they're making this about his experience, in that he has a lot of it as a career politician at his age, then they should know that Joe Biden wrote the Crime Bill, which has been derided by Democrats since it was written in the mid-1990s.

8) Geraldo Rivera

Offense: "Many of the folks most concerned with illegal immigrant aliens have never actually seen one."

Either Geraldo is legitimately this dumb or he's being intellectually dishonest. You go to any Home Depot or Lowe's in a busy suburb and you'll see them all hanging out, looking for work. But, on the whole, who's going around asking people for their immigration status?! Weird shit, Geraldo.

7) Mayor Eric Adams

Offense: "Murders are DOWN. Shootings are DOWN. Transit crime is DOWN. Car thefts are DOWN.   The safest big city in America just got even SAFER."

Remember, crime goes down when you don't report it. Also, didn't New York Gov. Kathy Hochul JUST deploy the National Guard to the NYC Subway this week?!

6) Harry Sisson

Offense: "Insurrection sympathizer Clarence Thomas ruled that insurrectionist Donald Trump can remain on the ballot in 2024. That should be the headline."

The Supreme Court ruled unanimously in favor of Donald Trump on this case, and yet, Harry Sisson has to single out the Black guy.

5) Keith Olbermann 

Offense: "The Supreme Court has betrayed democracy. Its members including Jackson, Kagan and Sotomayor have proved themselves inept at reading comprehension. And collectively the "court" has shown itself to be corrupt and illegitimate. It must be dissolved."

To Olbermann's credit, if he didn't post this tweet, we would never learn that he also pisses out of his eyes.

All in all, it's hilarious that Olbermann went from ESPN broadcaster to opinion show host on MSNBC to just yelling people on this website. What a career arc.

4) ABC News

Offense: "The death of a 22-year-old nursing student in Georgia who was killed while out for a run has turned a spotlight, once again, on the dangers women face while running outdoors."

Ah yes, the main takeaway is that women should stop running outdoors, NOT we should do something about curbing illegal immigration, specifically violent illegal aliens.

3) Atlanta Journal-Constitution 

Offense #1: "#BREAKING: A 26-year-old Athens man has been charged with murder in the death of a nursing student on the University of Georgia campus."

"Athens man?" Hmmmm...

Offense #2: "NEW: Top Georgia Republicans quickly tied the killing of a student on the University of Georgia campus to President Joe Biden’s immigration policies, decrying what they see as lax border controls after a suspect from Venezuela was charged with murder."

Ah so, the "Athens man" is actually an illegal alien who has been charged with the murder of Laken Riley. And the Atlanta Journal-Constitution is acting like drawing Riley's brutal death to the border crisis is some sort of conspiracy theory?! Really?! Are they really this out of touch with reality? I hate journos, man.

2) Trita Parsi

Offense: "So insulting of MSNBC to list the suicide hotline in the segment on Bushnell's self-immolation IN PROTEST of Israel's Gaza slaughter They treat him as if he was troubled by inner demons rather than by the massacre of innocents If one cannot empathize with Palestinians, I guess it becomes very hard to grasp that others can."

By Trita's logic, you don't care enough about ending the "genocide" in Gaza if you don't light yourself on fire. Until Trita sets himself on fire, he is not to be taken seriously on this subject.

1) Mohammed El-Kurd

Offense: "You can’t protest peacefully. You can’t boycott. You can’t hunger strike. You can’t hijack planes. You can’t block traffic. You can’t throw Molotovs. You can’t self-immolate. You can’t heckle politicians. You can’t march. You can’t riot. You can’t dissent. You just can’t be."

Dude thought he was slick by sneaking "hijack planes" and "throw Molotovs" in there. Just join Hamas already and get it over with. 

As an added bonus, Mohammed's tweet gave us this...

Longing for the time when there were only mostly peaceful hijackings.

See you on the next List.